If It Were Easy Again
by Star Way
Summary: [Oneshot] Six AM. Still awake. But the one thing left to say to you is too hard.


Title: If It Were Easy Again  
Author: Star Way  
Genre: Angst  
Category: Code Lyoko  
Rating: PG  
Summary: One-shot. Six AM. Still awake. But the one thing left to say to you is too hard. JxA  
Notes: Look who's back, baby. Hope you like this one. Not exactly fluffy, but you JA and angst lovers should like it. Ooh, go to my website too. Link's in my profile.

Ooooh, and I'm sorry if this makes no sense or there are a lot of mistakes... I did a pretty shitty job of proofing it.

* * *

It was late. Again. 5:58 AM, to be exact. 

That was unsurprising. It was easy to lose track of the time when talking to Aelita. Something about her just made her such a great person to talk to… Maybe it's because I have so much trouble in normal social situations, that talking to her with a pane of glass and a few billion gigabytes of ingeniously written coding between us make it easier somehow.

Tonight, though… and the night before, it felt different. There were so many awkward breaks in the conversation… sometimes I'd even excuse myself to go do things I didn't really need to do, just to get away from feeling uncomfortable.

I hate how things are now. I always used to be up late talking to her. We always used to have so much to discuss… she was so curious about little things I didn't even consider, and so it was never boring for either of us.

So why is it so hard to talk to her now?

I don't know. All I know is that I think my friends have started to consider the dark circles under my eyes a normal part of my complexion. Would they be more worried if they disappeared?

I looked out my window. The sky was just starting its slow fireworks display that marks the beginning of the day. School was literally going to start in three hours, and I hadn't slept at all.

I yawned. Looked like I'd be skipping again today to get some sleep. That would be four days in a row, now. And I knew Odd, Ulrich, and Yumi would have a few things to say to me the next time they got the chance.

"Jeremie?"

Life snapped back into me at the sound of her voice. I flicked my head around, as if that would make me less sleepy.

My eyes were apologetic as I turned them onto the image of Aelita on my computer screen. "Sorry," I said groggily. "I just have the stares…"

Aelita laughed. "Well, what were you staring at?"

"The sunrise…" I said softly.

Aelita looked mystified. "You mean… the time of day when the sun comes up and begins illuminating your world?"

I nodded. "Yep… that's what the sunrise is."

Her face seemed to fall a little bit. Just enough to make me feel terrible. "I… I wish I could see it with you…"

A silence choked us. We broke eye contact from each other.

I took a deep breath, and ran my fingers through my hair. Aelita suddenly looked back at me and smiled.

"Well, anyway, that doesn't matter. You should probably get some sleep now, I'd imagine."

I didn't really want to go… but at the same time I did. And anyway, I knew she was right.

"Yeah," was my terse response. I reached for the off button on my computer.

"Jeremie, wait."

I withdrew my hand.

"I… um…" she began.

"Yeah?"

She looked into my eyes, giving me that sad look that I didn't know how to respond to.

"I just… I miss you."

I gulped. "What do you mean?"

She looked away. "It just feels like we… haven't really been interacting the same way as we used to… like you feel obligated to talk to me now instead of actually wanting to. And you're always so exhausted…"

"Aelita…" I tried. Nothing would come out after that.

"Jeremie, I want you to stop talking to me so you can get a good education. Forget about me."

I shook my head in disbelief. "What are you talking about? I'd… I'd never do that… And…"

Aelita bit her lower lip. "Jeremie… I wish we could be together in real life. But we can't. You have too much to accomplish without me and my virus getting in the way."

"I… but you don't…"

Aelita sighed sadly. "I'm sorry. I'm being a bit of a drama queen… aren't I?"

"Aelita…" I said, once again at a loss for words. "I could never just walk away from you."

"Why not?" she asked me.

"Because I…"

Her eyes made me swallow my words.

After a long pause, I finally just said, "I really should get some sleep."

Aelita's eyes dropped. "Yes. Sorry about all of… this. Please sleep well."

I nodded… and turned off my computer.

I climbed into bed, wearily letting my limbs drop onto the soft cotton sheets. But as good as it felt, I was still unable to sleep.

I should have told her I love her, I realized. I almost did, but I couldn't. Maybe if I had said I loved her, it would be easy to talk to her again.

If it were easy… Maybe then we'd both be happy again.

I wish… I could make it better… just like that. I wish I could make her be glad to see me now.

Because I really do love her.


End file.
